The Han Chinese Wedding Showed Us a New Culture
By Sophie Deal
‘Run!’ shouts a young woman in a wedding dress, grabbing the hand of her groom and bolting across the street as fast as her red high heels can take her.
As she and her partner flee the scene, there is an eruption of smoke as hundreds of firecrackers burst from the ground outside her parents’ apartment.
Alarms sound and cacophonous bangs fill the sky. I run for cover among face-mask- clad neighbors who have gathered to watch the spectacle.
My friend cowers next to me, unsure whether to keep his fingers in his ears or to take photos.
The Beginning
And so it begins – a Han Chinese wedding in Inner Mongolia.
Two years ago, my English friend – Luke – fell in love with my Chinese friend – Dolly. Today they will become husband and wife in Baotou, the city she grew up in.
As arranged by Dolly’s family, the couple will perform their nuptial vows on what the Chinese lunar calendar considers a ‘blessed’ day for marriage.
Chinese people follow this calendar closely, paying great heed to which days are deemed prosperous for events like weddings, parties, and travel.
Because of the day’s status for marriage, we see several other wedding processions as we drive through the smoggy city in convoy.
For this reason, it’s no surprise that we do not attract that much attention. That is until spectators notice the color of the groom’s skin.
Travelers to remote China should be warned; people stare, particularly at women.
Blonds Get Attention
Blonde-haired and blue-eyed? Expect to be followed down the street. The attention, from what I experienced, is harmless, but it’s worth keeping your wits about you.
Many Chinese people have never seen Westerners in the flesh before, so the arrival of twelve of us caused a strong reaction. To amplify the attention, as insisted by Dolly’s aunt ‘dragon’ – the matriarchal head of the family – we were garbed in traditional Han Chinese celebration robes.
A Red Dress With Golden Flames
I wore a high-collared red dress, with artistic embroidery that looked like golden flames. My boyfriend’s venture from his usual wardrobe was a little more extreme.
His dress-like robe was supposed to graze the floor but due to his 6’4” stature, it didn’t even reach his ankles.
If the color of our skin wasn’t enough to garner attention, the fact that we were the only guests at the wedding dressed like this certainly does.
As we stepped out of the cars into Saihan Tala Ecological Park – the only grassland located in any Chinese city — an army of cameras and smartphones greeted us. Mothers urged their children to stand next to us and pose. One even forced her confused toddler into my friend’s arms before asking us to ‘smell’ (an unfortunate mispronunciation of ‘smile’) for the camera.
Before we could get too used to the celebrity lifestyle, a parade formed as Luke and Dolly walked forth, dressed in loud red garments and complex headdresses adorned with pearls, jewels and wings. We followed them through the street as they each held one side of a large knotted ribbon, symbolizing Dolly’s status as a precious gift to her husband.
Walking with the ribbon is just one of many customs that will be honored today. The wedding will pay respect to Han Chinese traditions – as this is Dolly’s dynasty – and Mongolian traditions – due to where she grew up.
Drums and reed pipes played loudly in celebration as we neared a decorative red shoulder carriage prepared for Dolly. This ancient tradition hails back to the days when arranged marriage was commonplace. The bride was seen as a precious pearl that must be concealed until her husband freed her from the carriage and set eyes upon her for the first time.
The enclosed sedan chair would be carried through the streets from her parents’ home to her groom’s, shielding her from onlookers’ eyes. Of course, this would be hardly practical nowadays, unless the carriers were willing to lug Dolly thousands of miles across the Middle East to Luke’s English suburb.
Once Dolly was securely concealed inside the carriage, eight servants hoisted her up to escort her to the marriage venue.
Meanwhile, Luke mounted his mode of transport – a horse – on which he led the entire wedding party. The colorful parade slowly made its way through the streets as the band played on, joyously proclaiming the couple’s arrival.
Dolly previously explained to me that this procession marks the wealth of the families. The more crew involved in the parade, such as cage carriers, musicians and servants, the more social status the family is believed to have.
Extravagant Wealth
Showing off wealth is a norm in Chinese culture, which has been more than apparent throughout our stay. From the refusals to let us pay for something as small as a one-dollar taxi ride to the gratuitously lavish assortments of food rotating around our breakfast tables, our stay in Baotou has screamed of Dolly’s family’s generosity.
We were frequently reminded that our presence was an honor. And as cameras continued to flash around us, it was clear – we were a welcome part of the spectacle.
Hundreds of clicks later, the parade came to a halt in front of a large building. Luke dismounted his steed in front of an enormous banner showing a heavily photoshopped image of him and his bride bowing and grinning to welcome the guests.
A Long Red Carpet
We entered the venue on a long red carpet, making us feel even more like celebrities.
The scale of the event was re-emphasized when we saw the large, carpeted stage faced by an array of freshly laid round tables.
In the backdrop, a huge screen played a pre-prepared slideshow of pictures of the couple with questionable love quotes, such as ‘Love’s tongue is in the eye’, ‘Love me little and love me long’ and – my favorite – ‘Love is a carefully designed lie’.
We stood incredulous, trying to comprehend it all. The arrival may have been an ostentatious performance, but the show had only just begun.
Dolly was allowed out of the carriage briefly so that she and Luke could mingle and pose for photographs. As she returned to the concealed litter, we were ushered to our seats and served an oddly salty Mongolian milk tea as performers began to fill the stage.
I was less than prepared for what followed. A large man onstage opened his mouth and released a low-pitched bellow that sounded out through the room. The ceremony translator stood aside and explained in broken English, ‘This is roast sheep ceremony!’
Roast Sheep & Lion Costumes
On cue, a red cart was wheeled in carrying an entire head-to-tail roast sheep, horns and all. A huge bow sat farcically atop its toothy skull. It was an uneasy sight for Westerners who have grown accustomed to faceless meat. ‘I think I just turned vegetarian’, Luke’s sister squeaked.
Once the sheep was blessed by Dolly’s parents, a variety of dishes started filling the Lazy Susan. As difficult as it was to get the image of its curly-horned skull out of our heads, we tucked into our table’s share of the roast sheep. Here it is traditional to serve this dish to honored guests and when we taste its crispy skin and delicious tender meat, it’s easy to see why.
Sweet and Savory
In China, savory and sweet dishes are combined. This goes against ‘you can have dessert once you’ve eaten your supper!’ upbringings, so it’s a little surprising when huge slabs of the cream cake are brought out mid-meal for us to enjoy alongside pork dumplings, sheep ribs, and fish balls.
Though I was trying to savor the tasty food in front of me, the next performance rendered my efforts impossible. Lion dancing – which involves dancers dressed in huge flamboyant lion costumes prancing dramatically around the stage — is standard practice at any large Chinese celebration, but it’s so unlike anything I had ever seen before I found it very difficult not to laugh hysterically.
Once the decorative lions flounced away, I attempted to regain my composure and picked up a bunch of long noodle strands with my chopsticks. I promptly dropped them when Luke was urged to recite Chinese phrases in a high-pitched voice to encourage Dolly out of the carriage.
After Luke had asked three times – twice refused by Dolly in order to honor another Han Chinese tradition – she emerged. Her face remained concealed under a red veil, keeping her husband-to-be in suspense.
An Important Ceremony
Now the couple performs the important ‘tea of respect’ ceremony, to honor one another’s family.
Their parents were seated at the back of the stage with a small table to divide the groom’s from the bride’s.
Luke and Dolly took it in turns pouring a minty tea for each other’s elders, to represent the union of the families. All the while, Dolly’s face remained hidden.
Luke, although uncomfortable with the performances, complied at every stage, doing his very best to follow the ceremony leader’s instructions to repeat operatic Chinese.
Fortunately, he did a good job of pleasing Dolly’s family and their chosen traditions as he fulfilled another theatrical act of unveiling Dolly’s face stage by stage until he uncovered her eyes. Dolly’s parents smiled as he suitably conveyed being blown away by her beauty upon seeing her in full for the first time.
The Ring Feeding
The ring exchange ceremony largely involved Luke feeding Dolly. The tradition behind this rests in the Chinese phonetic sounds for each food. The Chinese for date ‘zao’ sounds like ‘soon’; nut is ‘sheng’ which sounds like ‘giving birth’, and the word for longan fruit sounds like ‘baby boy’.
By eating each of these foods, Dolly received a prophecy that she will birth a baby boy soon. Historically this was a desperate hope for Han Chinese families in order to continue the family name.
Just when I think the day can’t get any more bizarre, a man with an enormous fake mustache appeared with a sack full of gold-colored pots and began to distribute them among the guests. He is playing the role of the ‘Fortune God’, a Han Chinese figure believed to be in charge of all the money in the universe.
The Fortune God blesses the guests on behalf of the family, again representing that the hosts have abundant wealth.
The Wedding’s Ending
The day’s performances end with a very special finale from the ceremony translator. ‘This is for our foreign friends’, she beams before launching into a unique rendition of ‘Venus’ by Bananarama.
Although the song is thirty years old, best remembered for its use in a razor-blade commercial, and the singer gets most of the lyrics hilariously wrong, we show our appreciation for the gesture and clap along, grinning.
Luke’s dad voices our feelings in a touching conclusive speech, thanking Dolly’s family for the incredible hospitality they have shown us throughout our stay in Baotou.
The world of Chinese traditions we have been welcomed into open-armed has been a mad, unforgettable delight. I can confirm that although it’s not a normal travel destination, this eclectic city and its people offer a new experience every minute for Western explorers.
As the waitresses begin to clear uneaten food from our tables, the newlyweds’ families gather together on stage, with Dolly’s wise old grandfather at the center. Cameras flash to capture the scene – East and West, united and happy.
Sophie Deal is a writer and cartoonist from Wales, UK. She currently works as a copywriter for a major global brand but enjoys running off to explore the world whenever she can.
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