Europe on 5 Wrong Turns a Day

Europe on Five Dollars a day? 1961-62 edition.Europe on Five Dollars a day? 1961-62 edition.Europe on 5 Wrong Turns a Day

Following Frommer Fifty Years Later
By Malea Ritz

When Doug Mack finds the outdated travel guide,“Europe on Five Dollars a Day,” he finds it a comically impossible feat. However, he decides to take on the task of traveling to eight different countries, but ends up spending much more than five dollars a day. This journey takes him on a wild and entertaining adventure that helps him discover the differences between Europe when the book was published 47 years ago and Europe today.

Mack finds joyful surprises by following the beaten path, finds several unexpected and secret pleasures amongst crowds and learns to quit his worrying and embrace clichés. However, popular tourist destinations are always changing and so he learns to adapt with them. “One man, eight countries, one vintage travel guide;” travelers, start your engines.

Florence- Authentically Overwhelmed

The museums of Florence have a near monopoly on the artistic masterpieces of the Renaissance. The treasures here are so thick that Raphael’s priceless Madonna of the Chair is casually stuck away in a little nook of the Uffizi Galleries.
—Europe on Five Dollars a Day

In the days before I departed for Europe, Italy was all over the news, with common themes of discord, tumult, corruption, confrontation. Rome was drowning in traffic and street crime; Naples was drowning in garbage and organized crime; Venice was just plain drowning. This was the reality of modern life. The Italy of tourist daydreams was now located somewhere between Atlantis and Oz, a lost land of wistful fantasy.

In Frommer’s day, apparently, the fantasy had been a reality. “A vast number of Americans saw ‘La Dolce Vita’ and have ached to get here ever since. They won’t be disappointed,” he says of Rome,

Doug Mack, author of Europe on Five Wrong Turns a Day.Doug Mack, author of Europe on Five Wrong Turns a Day.

and his chapters on Venice and Florence carry the same sentiment: Hollywood was right. Sun-dappled rolling hills! Renaissance statues in every piazza! Simple-but-wise peasants offering you wine and pasta!

But I knew better. Those rolling hills would now be porcupined with cell phone towers, the piazzas crammed with cargo-shorted tourists pushing past buskers screeching dated pop songs, the statures usurped by fiberglass replicas (with missing limbs magically reattached), the charming peasants replaced by pickpockets and aggressive souvenir hawkers, the pasta tasting suspiciously like it had been prepared by Signore Spaghetti-O.

So what the heck was going on, I wondered, as I peered out the window of the bus from the Pisa airport to Florence and saw a place that was just… just… so freaking Italian. The people, the landscape, the architecture: everything matched the stereotypical representations of Hollywood, tourist brochures, wine bottle labels, and other purveyors of fantasies and half-truths. It was, as Frommer suggested, a “fantastic dream.”

Tuscan Villas

Those cute little houses in the Tuscan Villa style were actual, well, you know, Tuscan villas, in all their authentic, charmingly rustic, picturesquely crumbling glory. Outside each one, a wood-burning oven buffed quaint little plumes of smoke. Queues of handsomely gnarled olive trees marched insouciantly to the horizon. Old women with walking sticks hobbled regally by the side of the road.

The famously manic Italian style of driving was on full display, with scooter drives zigzagging through traffic like so many Prada-clad mosquitoes. Even the sky seemed art directed: a dome of piercing cerulean perfectly complementing the deep of the green of the rolling hills and scattered with a handful of pert cotton-ball clouds. It was postcard-perfect, as though contrived by the local tourism board—“Giovanni, here they come! Go drive past them on your Vespa! Carmela, hide the satellite dish and put your delightfully scruffy goats out in the field! Quickly! Prego. Ciao.”

Frommer starts the Florence chapter by claiming “this is a city for reflection.” To which I say: nuh-uh.At least not at first. It turns out that my initial reaction to such stunning sights is not rumination but blissed-out gaping. To wit: here and there, I spotted the expected trappings of twenty-first-century life— anti-immigrant graffiti, dreary industrial sites, goat herders talking on cell phones, ads for American corporations—but my brain had already become so thoroughly re-wired, so taken with the soma of stereotypes fulfilled, that every time the trenchant, sarcastic internal monologue began, the giddy, altered-state tourist immediately drowned it out: “HOLY CRAP, LOOK AT THAT ADORABLE LITTLE OLD MAN IN THAT ABSURDLY LUSH VINEYARD—WHERE’S MY CAMERA?!”

When the bus rolled into Florence’s historic city center, the authenticity high turned into an enrapturing overdose at the up-close sight of the winding cobblestoned passageways encroached by the ineffable Old World architecture: arched doorways, elaborate cornices and corbels, massive shutters, and, on every wall, the perfect golden-hued, slightly cracking faux finish—er, wait, no, not faux. It brought to my mind every example of fake Tuscan architecture I’d seen before at the Olive Garden and other Italian restaurants, in interior design magazines in countless places.

Except it was better.

Vastly superior to even the most carefully crafted fake. Writing about themed environments such as Disneyland, the Italian writer Umberto Eco observes that “the pleasure of the imitation, as the ancients knew, is one of the most innate in the human spirit; but here we not only enjoy a perfect imitation, we also enjoy the conviction that the imitation has reached its apex and afterwards reality will always be inferior to it.”

Europe on Five Wrong Turns a DayYes I can’t help but wonder if Florence provided a corollary argument, that once an imitation has seemingly established the apex of perfection, any reality that exceeds it can’t help but appear fake itself. This was authenic-plus-one.

Florence somehow conformed even to expectations and archetypes I had not previously formulated in my mind but which became manifest as soon as I saw them in from of me: the history-of-a-culture tableau of runway-worthy outfits drying on ornate wrought iron balcony railings; the precise carefree manner of the high-heeled, black-clad woman pedaling a rickety bicycle while talking on a tiny, sleek cell phone and smoking and gesturing wildly.

Book release April 2012

Buy this book on Amazon Europe on 5 Wrong Turns a Day: One Man, Eight Countries, One Vintage Travel Guide

Malea Ritz

Malea Ritz is an editorial assistant at GoNOMAD and writes our daily TravelNewsNotes blog.

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