Breaking My Silence about my Alu Muter err Alma Mater
His family blamed ragging for his extreme act but institute authorities denied the charge. The body of Prashant Kumar was found hanging from the ceiling of his hostel room.Update (April 27, 2007): Just about six months and I am writing another update at this post. It is sad beyond words. After Jay Bharadwaj's suicide NDTV reports that they are going to appoint a few counselors for every hostel. Hope this would be a well thought out and serious step. Hope this is the last time I am updating this post for a very very long time.His father Sunder Lal Kureel said he had been suffering from depression after facing ragging in the campus. Institute director Sanjay Dhande, however, ruled out ragging as a factor and said the student had been suffering from a psychological ailment.
Update (November 7, 2006) Abhilash, a Ph.D Chemistry student also commits suicide. The newspapers say it was not the academic pressure that led to the step.
Update (May4, 2006): Sailesh also commited suicide yesterday. Makes it two from IITK alone in the last five months. Extremely sad situation.
I saw a ticker going on and on and on, at CNBC18 saying that an IIT Kanpur student was found dead (did I say suicide?)on the premises two days ago. It brought back such a torrent of memories. I called up and asked a few friends if they knew anything because they have recently graduated and their friends are still at IITK. They told me apparently the guy jumped from the 6th floor of the faculty building. Now, this building called ‘Facb’ in IITK jargon, is an ugly red brick building (though I always remember it as grey in color due to some quirk in my memory) where on the top floor is the department of Humanities and Social Sciences (HSS), what used to be ‘my department.’
I remember very clearly that afternoon of long back, even now. We have a blessed soul ‘Brijlalji’ who would make tea in the corner room of the top floor at specific times of the day. (He must be the most acknowledged person by HSS students in their Ph.D. thesis.) I was running to get a cup of tea, when something seemed horribly wrong.
Actually, above my department is a small jutting structure (above the sixth floor) where only lift mechanics are supposed to go but it had a few broken glass panes and many of us would climb there at the dead of the night just for the heck of it. I did it only twice and always in company.
That afternoon when I was running for tea, I saw a few people standing in the corridor and staring at something. When I looked in that direction my blood froze. There was this figure standing at the edge of the Facb top and taking one leg out of it. Worst still, I recognized who the person was! I too stood rooted to the spot but luckily an extremely capable professor for such situations, was standing near us but not looking at scene, and I alerted her and she took over. Security came but they were helpless, as all of us were worried that the person might jump or fall if distracted. After long anxious moments, the person backed off and came down but the memory still upsets me. And what is more haunting, it was life as usual at IIT, as if nothing had happened.
I do not know much why or how Swapnil Dharaskar (the correct name, as Vinod pointed out in the comment section) met his end but it saddens me a lot. AsVinod points out again in the comment section, the cause of his death is not clear. My musings are about the days I spent and what I saw there. I am not trying to attribute any cause to his death.
In fact, I always saw IIT from the eyes of an almost outsider, being a post graduate student. I wish these kids would somehow be able to look beyond IIT, not take their end semester exams and F grades so seriously. There is a life beyond IIT and it can be fun, if you choose. I also feel parents put undue pressure on the kids to continue at any cost, even if the child is on the verge of breakdown. Many of them (parents) find it extremely difficult that in spite of getting into IIT, the child can fail in a course or mess up a semester.
I remember another suicide when a second year Hall 2 student hanged himself in his room during Antaragni, the cultural festival of IITK but the students refused to shut down the discotheque that night, giving some lame excuse about sponsors not agreeing to it.
I do not know what more to say, talking about IITK is not easy for me. So this post has no crisp ending and a sound opinion that I seem to possess about every other matter on earth.
Update: Abi has an excellent post.
News articles on the issue:
http://www.indianexpress.com/full_story.php?content_id=83056
http://www.hindustantimes.com/news/181_1562506,0035.htm
Some blogs talking about IITK in general or the same issue:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/indranic/14496.html
http://adjournment.blogspot.com/2005/12/rigid-systems.html
http://riteshm.blogspot.com/2005/11/one-more.html
http://iitkstudent.blogspot.com/2005/11/life-in-iit-kanpur.html
http://rajatkashyap.blogspot.com/2005/11/shocking.html
Labels: IIT, IIT Kanpur, iitk, suicide





34 Comments:
1. The guys actual name is Swapnil Dharaskar and not the other versions being reported in news.
2. As of now there is not confirmation that he (a) commited suicide (b) did it because of academic pressure. In fact, people have told me his CPI was well above 8.
Many of us students at IITK here are deeply hurt by the way the media has reported this incident. Facts have been distorted. Speculations have been reported as facts.
Vinod, I know little about this incident but it got me writing about something that I always avoided. I have tried to make it more clear in the post that my musings are in general.
Well Swapnil apart , we also have Nuke from Bombay who just could not take the pressure .
Being an undergrad myself , i must say that there have been moments of complete insanity which take you over in high pressure situations. We have never in our lives experienced such pressure and there is no proper counselling unit . The divide occurs when the student's ideals and reality do not go together.
Harish, I very well understand what you say. But believe me nothing in life is so important for anyone to end their life for it. And IITK problems are not at all worth it.
I also understand about the ideals and reality not matching. Do not ideals about the place, even if you have one get over it quickly.
But let me also say, after I came out I have seen what complete fraud. means. You are at a good place if you can keep things in perspective.
We Indians have amazing intolerance for failures. An F or a messed up semester is not the end of the world, ever.
People at IIT work their butt off to get through a killer exam, so it is only natural they take their exams and their grades seriously. Not wishing they take their grades and exames seriously is just plain stupid. IIT is a golden opportunity to make a career that you would not otherwise have. The situation at IIM is pretty similar.
And IITians do have fun - some of the best college fests in the country are held at IITs.
hmm.. it all depends upon how you take things. I am at an IIM and have had my share of highs/lows.. but didn't let them take over my life..
Anonymous 1, to me taking your life over your grade is just plain stupid.
Kalpana Chawla went to IIT? So did Sania Mriza? So did APJ Kalam? There is no other opportunity to make your career?
Sumit, that is the way to go.
Mridula,
An important message (nothing is more important in life, than life itself) in yet another very good post. Thanks.
My comment here became too long, so I have posted it here.
I agree with Vinod. It isn't even clear it was a suicide. The media are having a ball though. Irresponsible jerks!
If it was not a suicide, it is all the more scary. I hope you noticed that I am not attributing it as a suicide. It just got me thinking about suicides or attempts that I remember.
geee~ my brother's fren also hanged himself in the classroom(T_T)
this thing should not be happened any more...
thank u mridula for coming to my blog!!!!
I've read the article and although the guy's roommate describes him as having "a cheerful disposition", it still appears that this was a suicide. Just because someone appears OKAY on the outside doesn't mean that they aren't in pain on the inside. Depression can be complicated and often the inner turmoil is hidden. Suicide is not the answer but sometimes that seems like the only way out, the only way to end the suffering. High stress situations are not easy to cope with and unless there's a good support system in place people hit the breaking point. In the U.S. a lot of graduate students and Ph.D. candidates commit suicide, and those stories are always so sad to hear, but it happens.
hello
ye sthe exams are done .. THe (W)inter - IIT sports meet is in Rourkee brrrrr
poor contingent .. hope they dont shiver away their glory :P
suicides are rarer down here. murders and accidental deaths are there though.
Yes taking life over a grade is stupid. So don't get bad grades - work hard and good grades will follow. IITs are great at rewarding hard work. Slackers are not welcome at IIT.
I don't think Kalpana Chawla is a great role model - being an astronaut is limited by articial means since the government limits private sector participation. You don't need to be gifted in some way to be an astronaut - just physically fit and many are. If you are good at sports you don't need to be at IIT. And frankly I don't think Sania Mirza is that great an example right now - maybe in years to come when she wins a Grand Slam singles title. There is a lot of hype surrounding Sania. About Kalam - I am quite unsure what his scientific credentials are - don't remember reading seminal papers attributed to Kalam.
If you want to be in the field of science or technology there is no better place to be than IIT during the undergrad years. No other place in India would give you a higher chance of success.
Niki, I am so sorry to hear that.
Crystal, look at some of the comments here, good support system my foot.
Harish, yes I remember IITM men's contingent used to be good!
Poison that is how it should be, no suicides around, but murder?
Yes taking life over a grade is stupid. So don't get bad grades - work hard and good grades will follow.
How very profound! But what about those souls who somehow managed to fail, and it happens every semester at every IIT. They sould end there lives over it? How very profound! Spoken like an average 'cream of the nation' IITian!
I don't think Kalpana Chawla is a great role model
I care very little about what do you think, let me tell you if you think like what you wrote above. Anyway the world might think differently than you. Did that ever occur to you?
And frankly I don't think Sania Mirza is that great an example right now - maybe in years to come when she wins a Grand Slam singles title.
Frankly, the free market thinks otherwise and she gets a lot of endrosements and press coverage.
If you want to be in the field of science or technology there is no better place to be than IIT during the undergrad years.
Remember Narayan Murthi? Chairman of Infosys? Well, he just did his postgrad from IITK and not the undergrad. Have you heard about this company?
But then of course you speak like an average IITian, and I expect nothing different.
AS Post martem report, It is absolutely not
suicide case It looks like murder case.
Anurag, if it is true it would be very unfortunate but can you tell us a proper source from where this information is coming?
Mridula, I have read news article. There was clearly said that Post-martem report and
multiple injuries on left and right part of
the body does not support suicide theory and
these much injuries can not be happened in
suicide case So It means It looks like murder
case.
Anurag, I too have seen this Indian Express article, but you can see it is pretty inconculsive. I am so sorry this happened, must be really killing his parents.
what's really crazy is that I was just looking back on a post that I wrote about suicide. It really is awful. I just wish people could see the bigger picture. I am constantly striving to see the bigger picture (I will move on). It's strange how these types of things touch our lives.
Mybe Swapnil had tough talk with non iitians
(who belong to Kanpur) during cultural festival
"Antrangni" and they might be come to take
revange with Swapnil and this is happened.
I am thinking this may be possibility behind
the death of IIT Kanpur student.
I have no clue about this, but from a practial point of view, why would Swapnil go with such guys out of his hostel room or library to Facb or any other place where you can be harmed?
I found IIT a reasonably secure place during my stay. I used to work through night and never was troubled by anyone even once.
Nobody knows what is going to happen and nobody
can read other person and can't see what is
inside going on.
Everybody thinks IIT must be secured place to study.
but I have heard that there were some incidents
happened in IIT Kanpur that people(non iitians) came and they have beaten IIT Kanpur students and In some cases students was hospitalised.
In the response to your first comment (assuming you are the same person who left the previous annonymous comment) I said 'I have no clue' and I offered a general scenario. Of course, I might be wrong.
But the problem is no one is going to believe you and me. If some investigation or some authoritative source presents it, then one has a stronger case.
We should send this website link to IIT Kanpur
students and Profs so that they can comment on this and their comments will be real.
As far as I know, from IITK admn. side the issue is treated as a suicide. I do not know about the students, a few of them left their comments, and anyone else who is interested, is free to do so. Better still, they should be writing about it on their pages and not me, who left three years ago.
If you do a blog search on google you will find very few posts about this coming from IITK.
as Swapnil's very close friend,i was quite touched to find all of u searching for a reason that might have driven this great friend of mine to do such a thing as suicide.i was studying with him frm 5th std. right to the jee coaching class.i am still not able to comprehend that he is no more... so if the reason for him taking such a step is studies,then i certainly feel that the iit administration should take serious steps to take pressure off the students.this will be the greatest tribute 2 his memory.
Pressure doesn't come from the studies. It can be created artificially by profs, students. Pressure created by students doesn't have that much effect as compared to those created by the profs because he is the person whom you have trusted fully and if he betrays you continuously by behaving in a rude manner then it can have results like this. Professors those who doesn't have any philosophy should not teach at all. They are big failures because they are doctors of philosophy. They should know why do we have grading system in place instead of absolute marking. I advise you to kick out or bump out those professors whom you think doesn't have good philosophy or have stupid philosophy. I'm in a similar state so I can also understand it fully. This was not the result of just one day result. It happened because of continuous tortures. It take around 2-3 years to prepare for such action. He was prepared for it fully which explains of his normal behaviour over the phone.
Anonymous, I understand what you say. I very well understand. Though once again, I left IITK in 2002 and I know very little about particular cases, but I know what you are talking about in general.
This post has been removed by the author.
The thing that saddens me the most is how life goes on as usual everywhere around you when such a ghastly thing has occurred in your backyard.I'm a 2nd year student at IIT kanpur and today at the dinner table someone callously mentioned to me :"Yaar ek aur suicide ho gaya...hopefully endsems delayed ho jayenge" and everyone went back to their normal schedule of going to the library and mugging for endsems...I mean it's not really their fault, but I guess we need to slow down, you know take a look around us, and not forget the bigger picture in life.It is indeed unfortunate why Prashant felt so alienated and so helpless that he took his own life, why he felt he had no one to talk to and no one to turn to for help.It does get lonely here I agree - away from home, the peer pressure, the academic load, the fear of not being accepted by your peer group - but everybody needs help sometimes - we can't do everything on our own, and we shouldn't be shy in seeking help when we think we need some.
Iceman, thanks for sharing your thoughts, it seems like the same, what it was back when I was there.
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