The Travel Diva

My hate list is growing, and my cynicism with it

I don’t do nice, I don’t do

Last year I arranged a trip to a distant land and dealt with a tourism official who did as little as humanly possible. She found a reason why she could not action any of the requests I put forward, which of course I ended up doing. The cumulative result being that I got published in numerous magazines and gave her country great exposure.

I suppose I should be grateful really - grateful to Bill Gates and Microsoft… and email. If email had not existed I’m certain I’d be in imprison for assault, murder even.

This is why I avoid human contact - I don’t even know who my neighbours are (and I’ve been living in Belgium for four years). I only come out of my cave when I need to travel, and then I put on a menacing snarl I’ve cultivating for years. It's meant to discourage other passengers from engaging me in idle conversation.

My nineteen-year old son stared at me in disbelief the other day, saying he wished I could see myself.

“You look like a mad professor,” he said. “Wild hair, toothpick resting on your tongue, skew glasses (I sat on them), a cat perched on the back of your chair, empty coffee cups strewn around, piles of papers, magazines and newspapers surrounding you.”

“Don’t care,” I announced. “Got stuff to do.”

I waved an empty coffee.

Ten days ago a client in the US express mailed me a parcel (jewellery she needed photographing). Yesterday, six days after it arrived in Brussels, the Customs & Excise office contacted me. They wanted to know exactly what the parcel contained as they needed to extract 21% tax from me. It is considered an import into the EU and as such is subject to every tax known to mankind (even if it's going back in a few days). The pond life at the customs and excise office advised that even if its marked a gift I have to pay 21% of the value declared on the parcel. There’s no fighting it. I could stand on my head and whistle God Save the Queen through my ass, it still needs to be paid.

I asked the official why they had taken so long to contact me, seeing that the parcel's been in Belgium for nearly a week.

“We’ve been busy,” was his response.

Every time I deal with EU bureaucracy I get so upset that even my pee gets into a froth!

But wait, the best is still coming. I asked how much longer I needed to wait before receiving the parcel and was told that it may be another week still.

“You’re shitting me! Is this not an express mail item?” I shouted, both feet leaving the ground at once. “Continents drift faster that this!”

“Oh no mademoiselle, I not the shitting,” Frenchy responded.

I’ll now take comfort in a long G&T and in the knowledge that client service is the same the world over and is indeed an ass.

Labels: Belgium, Bill Gates, communications, Customs and Excise, Email, EU bureaucracy, express mail, Gordons Gin, jewellery photography, Microsoft, Rwenzori Coffee

posted by Cindy-Lou Dale @ Friday, August 03, 2007